Get Tricky

[Patrick Stevens]

Prompt List

• headache
• kingdom
• creation
• masquerade
• influence
• monster
• painting
• sword
• rain
• break away

[Patrick Stevens]

|monster|

"We got a problem, man."

"A problem?  Are we talking 'shot-myself-in-the-foot' problem, 'Danny-broke-his-ass-jumping-a-fence-running-from-the-cops' problem or 'someone's-dead-send-backup' problem?" Connor asked, and he had good reason - all had happened in the past.  "Because I swear to god, I'm recruiting Viken's daughter if you two don't get it together."

It was an idle threat, mostly because Axel would wait outside Connor's house with a piece of rebar and they all knew it, but Trick still pulled a face.  "Uh, okay, asshole, you get Axel and his fucking daughter, because they might wanna see this shit, too.  I'm talking tentacles-level problem."

"...Tentacles?  Like, squid?  Calamari?"

"Like Asian.  Fucking.  Porn.  Smartass."

"...Where's Danny?"

"What?  He's right he---"

At that point, Daniel yanked on Trick's wrist so he could yell into the phone.  "Fuck you, Connor, nobody got raped, stop being a sick fuck!"

"Listen, nobody asked you, let me the fuck go!  My phone, my conversation, capiche?" Trick snapped, and then he had the phone back against his ear, though it was silent.  "Sorry, you still there?"

"Uh.  Yeah.  Details?"

"Dunno what it is, but it's kind of human shaped and it has tentacles.  Lots of them.  It also took a shit-ton of ammo to take down, I'm talking big rounds.  Oh, and I hit it with a car first.  Fucking knows how to take a hit."

"You have no idea what it is?  It's not a shifter or anything?"

"No fucking clue, man.  Might be an alien?  Sea monster?  Looks kind of slimy, but I'm not touching it.  It's bleeding black ooze, too.  Send someone out here to get it, and tell them to bring hazmat suits.  Fucker reeks, too."

"You can't just bring it in?"

"What part of, 'I'm not fucking touching it' didn't you get?  And I'm not putting it in Kargoyle, cause I'll never get the smell out.  Danny eats chinese food in there and I gotta smell it for a week, no way.  Hurry up, before someone starts asking questions."

With that, Connor grunted and hung up, but Trick was confident that he'd do as had been asked.  In the meantime, Trick shoved Daniel, not so sure he was comfortable with him poking at the thing.  "Dude, leave it alone, what if it gets up?  You saw how fast it moved."

"With all the shit we plugged it with?  No way.  That much ammo, something stays down."

"If you say so.  Stop poking it, anyway.  I don't want it to do anything weird until someone else gets here to see it."

"Like what?"

"I dunno, you know how in movies, shit disintegrates or something.  What if it does that?  Then everyone'll think we were fucking with them," he pointed out, and it would have been legitimate, since they'd done stupid shit in the past.  It was that whole 'cry wolf' thing.  Now that there was actual craziness to be shown off, Trick wanted it to be appreciated for what it was.  "You know, we discovered a new monster."

"Actually, I discovered a new monster."

"Fuck you, I hit it with my fucking car!"

"Suck it, I saw it first!"

"I killed it!"

"No, I killed it."

"No, you screamed like a bitch while I shot out my fucking window to try to get it off the hood, and then when it was already oozing, you started taking shots at it."

"Whatever, I'm naming it."

"Uh, excuse you, I'm naming it."

"Dude, last time you named something, it was a fish and you called it 'Bob'."

"It was Robert, and that's a perfectly good name for an aquatic creature!"

"Whatever, dude!  You're not naming this alien thing 'Robert'.  It's gotta be something cool!"

By the time Harvey and Shannon arrived, they'd moved on to what was an acceptable name for these aliens, and each suggestion was even more ridiculous than the last.  Harvey, naturally, was already pulling gloves and protective glasses on before he even reached the thing, and once he saw it, he whistled.

"You guys killed this thing?" he asked, glancing between the two of them like he thought it might be some kind of joke, but he grinned and squatted beside it, carefully inspecting it. 

"Course we did," Trick responded, definitely a little proud, and he glanced at Shannon like it might be impressive.  She just smirked and drew her gun, just in case.

"Careful, Harv, it might just be stunned.  Wouldn't want Heather jealous if it goes for a little kissy kissy," she teased, and Harvey pulled an unpleasant face.

"If it does, shoot me first.  I saw that movie."

"Who the fuck is Heather?" Danny asked, and Trick shrugged.

"Are you two fucking serious?" Shannon demanded, looking from one to the other, then to Harvey, who'd glanced up at them from where he was on the ground.  Everyone fell silent for a moment.  "His wife.  You morons were at the wedding."

"Ooooh," Trick started, nudging Daniel's arm.  "I think that was the one where we hooked up with bridesmaids.  Yours puked in your lap."

"That's right!  Forgot about that one.  We pre-gamed that shit, though.  No wonder I don't remember."

They went back and forth for a few minutes while Shannon stared and Harvey examined the monster, quickly jumping from the wedding they'd temporarily forgotten to Harvey's bachelor party in Vegas to their own trip to Vegas, until finally Harvey stood up.  "Victor's gonna want to see this, and I need real equipment.  Let's wrap it up and take it in.  I'm gonna need a hand, probably two."

Instantly, Trick turned to Danny, hand fisted on top of his open palm in the universal gesture for rock, paper, scissors and though his friend looked at him like he was retarded for suggesting it, he went ahead with it.  They got two rounds in, tied, when Shannon waved that gun.  "Gun beats all, you fuckers are both helping him and I'm watching.  Let's go."

They looked scandalized about half a second before she gave the Glock another wave, and then they both got to moving.  Many complaints were had throughout the process, mostly about the smell and the weight, but they got it loaded and shed the gloves into a hazardous waste bin in the back of the van Harvey and Shannon had taken.  "We'll meet you at Crimson, they'll want you there for questions.  Don't fuck around," Shannon instructed, and then they were gone.

"What a bitch," Trick complained.

"Yeah, but she's hot."

"Damn straight."